孝

我刚背负上了不孝的名义...

他是一位95岁的老太太...今天摆大寿...父亲本想我出席...我...推辞了...

一开始的原因是因为不爽我姑姑处处逼人...那是另一回事....

后来想想...我从未与她素面过...更不清楚我与她之间隔了多少层的关系...

爸说...这可能是她最后一次做寿...你就为了一份作业？

其实作业是假...陌生是真...

心里的矛盾循环...我妈于愈亮之时...来惹了我...结果换来我的发泄...

我知道犯了大忌...可心里始终很想逃避...父亲的不解...从未是因我的鄣碍...

我不知道自己是否做对与否...只是厌倦了不时伪装自己为一切完美...想逃脱一会儿...

约了几位好友...出来叙旧...不去出席寿宴...或许...显得我更不孝...不过...真的不想再次强迫自己去做自己不想去做的事...

this is just not the right time for me to face it yet....

celebrating someone's birthday whom i dont even know who she is?

some may presume it's not really my fault... no... i beg to differ... it's nobody's fault...

someone so close yet so distant away...what happened? a kin.... who drifted so far....

the divorce? the big family? or am i just sick of attending such yet another "family gathering" where people generally put on their best smile literally?

i need time to be myself... with this much work... with this much obligation at work.... and yet with such limited time to myself... to do what i wanna do....

dad... you may never understand...but i still love you....