i'm done....

so over and done with it.....

those sleepless nights drowning with avalanches of work....

those times spent on brainstorming, memorising theory and typing endless essays....

im saying goodbye for the moment...but i know we'll sure meet again....

sure... i loathe it.... but yes... i miss it... somehow?

i wonder what's next?

aussie? local? but am sure im not gonna miss out on my loving country =..=

ha... a long journey indeed....

met up with a junior just now....

heard her woes.... reminded me of what i went through when i was in her shoes....

this year... has been an exceptionally odd year for me.... so odd that it changed my whole angle of perspective...

was it the attachment? or was it just me? the people i've met this year... has been anything but uninspiring....

never fail to intrigue me.... never had a moment where my mind wasnt working...?

so...this is the process of growing up i suppose?

ive learnt to be nostalgic... even though i've always been.... ive learnt to hold onto the past.... not letting it go....may not be a good thing.... but it keeps me calm.... for sure....perhaps it was the endless drama ive been going through....

one thing that i'll always remember....

attending my dad's wedding....

how weird is that? i dont know? but i really do wish him happy.... although i'd really like mum and dad to stay together.... but i know its just not possible anymore.... guess... i need to stop hoping....

getting drunk... seriously dead drunk....

im not sure if it was the wedding? or if it was the tough times i was going through then.... but it was just a concoction of bad stuffs all mixed up in one night.... so it led to endless servings of wine... and the next thing i know i fainted and vomited in a cubicle... alone.... scared.... jaded....

crying in the middle of the night.... on streets...

no... not just whimpering or tearing.... it came with screaming and gibbering... i've reached a breaking point i supposed? but it felt so good surprisingly.... i felt liberated.... and i had friends.... with me.... that's when i know im not alone....

insomniac.....

it just never stop haunting me.... i've a really active mind i figured... probably all the stress i've been through are eating me up finally.... got so serious.... that i'd be witnessing breaking dawn for a week...

so its 2008.... and no it wasn't good like i expected it to be... it sucked....and 2007 wasn't any better.... i've always thought the alternate good years would work on me.... but no... it didn't...

was i running away? no... i sure know i wasnt.... and i do need a get away.... some quaint beaches would be ideal.... but some moolah would be needed.... i don't know how am i gonna find it? doubt it'd just fall....

i don't want a holiday.... i need it.....

i wanna count the stars by the beach late at night.....

and wake up in the morning with the salty breezes running through my hair.....

have breakfast as the symphonic waves rush through the shore....

read under the cozy sun and enjoying the time between me myself and i....

wait for the golden sun to hide beneath the horizon....only to see the moon still shining cheekily at the other corner of the endless sky....

run myself through the bath.... singing.... playing.... relaxing....

sit myself in the middle of the room... mediating....

and finally wait for the waves to rush me into my wonderland.... just like how they rush through the sea....

alone or what.... i miss the quiet times i had in bintan 4 years ago.....