Running away...

for years, i've been running away from the cruel fact itself...

i've settled for it.... for my comfort zone.... teaching...

just because i've failed once in design...?

why does it saps so much of me out?

i chose not to go through long sleepless hours and instead opted for a much routine schedule life... teaching....and ignored that those long sleepless hours were the joy and happiness of my life...?

what took me so long to figure all these out?

for almost 5 years, i've been running away... despite being inspired by so many media personalities all my life... news anchor, dj, writer blah blah blah...

and what made me took up the teaching job?

conformity? nope.... it's no longer about me doubting myself.... doubting my families... my friends....

they were nothing but supportive.... it was me who chose not to look at the big picture... to choose something which i wouldnt mind doing it for the rest of my mind... instead of something which i'd love to do it for as long as possible....

i was all the source of my problems... it was nv my relationships with others... what boils down at the end of the day... its still myself...

i was once so in charge of my own life.... but doing something im not convinced in...only made me passive and doubtful about my abilities.... im so not made up for the teaching industries... why didnt it occur to me much earlier? well for the longest time... i've been talking to myself... to a point i was hypnotizing myself... pretending that i love the job....

but what do i really like? i like photography for sure... i like writing for sure... see bam! full pack... a reporter would be so much more appropriate for me than being a teacher....but of course id like teaching too....

but not based on technical skills... but based on past experience... based on what i went through... it took me so long... took me so much... to realised that the reason why i felt empty was becoz i wasnt heading towards the right direction....

i need to overcome this... but i will not give up teaching... at least for now.... i've promised my kids and i will have to do it... but in the mean time... i know that i'd stay out of the education industries for awhile... before im really tired over the media....

this is what i want.... it can be seen frm my looks... my creative appeal... my skills... these are all prominent signs.... and yet i chose to ignore all of them... how funny =)